That awful Anthropology class

" "They thought it would be a disgrace to go forth in a group. Each entered the Forest Adventurous at that point which he himself had chosen, where it was darkest and there was no way or path." 

You enter the forest at the darkest point, where there is no path. Where there's a way or path, it is someone else's path; each human being is a unique phenomenon. 

The idea is to find your own pathway to bliss. "

                                                                                                                                 p. xxvi

                                                                                                      Pathways to Bliss by Joseph Campbell

How I came across the works of Joseph Campbell is a testament to the funny way life has of springing gold on us in the most unexpected places.

It was the semester where I was taking an awful Anthropology class. My eagerness for something new in my curriculum quickly dissipated with a lecturer who was passionate about his field but utterly clueless about how to relate his ideas and passion to his students. It was towards the end of a very unfulfilling semester when the lecturer suddenly pulled out a video for the class. It was one part of a 6 series of interviews done with Joseph Campbell titled The Power of Myth. Little did I know, how much this one class would do for me.

I was captured by the video, by this old man who knew so much and who spoke so much of so many human things. Joseph Campbell studied myths; stories people tell from generation to generation. And his work spilled over into religion, culture, psychology, spirituality. I was fascinated by all these things he was saying. Simply because what he says cuts through all the things which separates us as people, and goes right to the very core of the human experience. I might not have known very much about all the different cultures and religions and myths he was talking about, but I recognised acutely, the human experience he was speaking of. **

I remember the class being listless and hearing complains after class about not getting the video and what the old man was going on and on about. But me, I had found gold. 

I went home and very illegally watched the other episodes of his interviews (I know copyrights exist for a reason, but sometimes, the hunger for knowledge somehow seem to make things less of a crime. Not that I'm justifying anything here). Campbell's work is so vast and to such a depth I can hardly begin to understand a fraction of what he is trying to say. But what I have read and managed to digest so far, has echoed in my head again and again ever since I found him and his work. Somehow, since then, without quite meaning to, what little I know of his work has already become quite an influence in my life.

I recently have been reading a compilation of some of his lectures. Fascinating, but a very heavy read. I will have to reread this volume many more times after this, I am certain. 

These days, I look back and think, this is what I went to school for. Not for the lecturer who didn't know how to talk to his class, but for those moments when you find something in a classroom that pulls you in, enchants you, and speaks to you in ways that will influence the way you think and live after. That is what education is, should be, but unfortunately, seems to be missing for most of us for the most part. This is when I simultaneously remember that I do have a passion for the classroom and why I miss those days.

But really, writing this is just me reminding myself again that no experience is ever wasted. Time and time again, life has presented me with the most precious things in the most unexpected ways. I marvel at this. And I have learnt to trust this. 

And maybe one day soon, I will share another story of another unexpected find. I have been meaning to, anyway.

Complacent

I have been complacent these days.

I have a mind which once it has decided, will see nothing else. I forget that not the rest of the world will see or feel the same. I speak with fire of the things I feel strongly about and I forget that what fills me, may not fill others.

I don't see enough sometimes. Of the things around me and of the people around me.

I have been complacent these days.

With the hearts and the needs of those around me.

But I am fortunate.

Fortunate that reminders always come into play whenever I start to forget.

I am trying to be good.

I really am.

Old, old, very old picture.

The unfortunate thing about being a melancholic writer is that everything sounds gloomier than it seems. Though I do assure you, my days are really, quite bright.

Catch Up Post 4 - Sarah and Cheyenne in the Wind

Just before Christmas, Sarah set us up to meet with Cheyenne, a very young (16!) girl who makes lots of pretty pictures. The day before Christmas was dull, grey, and wet. With dirty feet from the wet grass and cameras, we spent a morning beside a lake with the wind all around us. Both girls had such beautiful hair, the moment I saw the wind sweeping through those long strands, there was nothing else I wanted to photograph. Only wind and hair. Only wind and hair.

Catch Up Post 3 - A Toast to 12 Months

December is a much loved month for me. And a major reason for that is because it brings with it, the homecoming of so many people I love. For the past 8 years now, us girls have always ushered in a new year at the Toyad's. After so many years, I think it's safe to say we've seen all kinds of new years. The ones which had us glued to the game consoles, the ones which had us going to bed only after dawn had arrived, the ones which had us in tears, the ones that saw us with hope, and the ones that saw truly for the first time, the changes in us as we grew up. 

2012's eve was particularly quiet for us as we were missing some parts of us - those who were not able to make it back home. And yet, it is always a comfort to go into the Toyad home and know, there you find all these people who have grown so different and yet nothing has changed. The older we get, the more we are forged by our history and our growing up together. But that's what's precious. Knowing we are still there simply because we cherish what we have. Simply because we accept each other, warts and all. These girls more than anything, have given me a place where I know I can go to and not be judged. I have always held that close to me. 

Celebrating 2011

Sasha's groovy nails could only have gone with a groovy drink. No less.

Seok Yee's necklace which I liked

Getting my fill of Christmas baubles at the Toyads as always 

Lounging, talking, laughing

Valerie smiles for the camera

So does Sasha

More than buddies

Sasha the purple dancing butterfly

Posing for the camera

Calling 'Happy New Year' to a loved one

Running out into the streets for fireworks

2012

Watching fireworks with the rest of the party

I like incomprehensible pictures. Probably because they mean something to probably only me.

After the show

Valerie happy

Jill winding down (or maybe not)

Seok Yee smiling at Sasha

8 years.

We've had it good. Boy, have we had it good.

Catch Up Post 2 - Creating Worlds in Sand

Shortly after my finals, I attended a workshop for sandplay therapy. My first encounter with this form of therapy was during a mini workshop organized by one of the student clubs. I was intrigued before the first encounter and I was intrigued after. I couldn't pass up the chance of a three day workshop when the opportunity presented itself.

Most people I've shared my experience of the workshop with would ask me what sandplay is. The simplest explanation of sandplay is the use of a sandbox and miniatures as a form of therapeutic expression. 

To move the self through working in the sand, by building our worlds in the sand, that to me is incredible.

An exercise where we had to choose a representation of ourselves

Group collection of various representations from other participants

Journaling our thought processes and feelings throughout the learning experience

A sandplay therapist's world is a magical one, I feel. Full of toys! 

Imagine walking into the office everyday to shelves and shelves of toys and figurines!

The child in me would not stay still those three days.

Two robots making peace

The nymph watching them. 

One can only imagine the kind of world a sandplay therapist lives in.

Today, I so firmly believe that the workshop was one of the best things I have ever done in my life. Ever. It was one of those moments when you can almost physically feel yourself stretch and grow bigger as your world expands, shifts, changes.
Playing in the sand shifted something in me, it was almost as if another part of me clicked into place. I felt truly for the first time, the reason why I chose to study what I did. I always knew my degree was not wrong for me, but exactly how and what I never found. How ironic it happened immediately after I ended.

Family work. 

Like many of the exercises we did, this family one meant a great deal of something to me. In some ways, I needed to build this. It reminded me of a great many things I may have been starting to forget and reconciled certain parts of myself I had been trying to understand. In jest (or maybe not), I think every Psychology student would have heard this - that sometimes family related therapy work is really, the biggest can of worms.

A personal world

I very consciously built my personal world to reflect the transition I know is upon me. Everything in the sand represents something, from the figurines to the raised hill, to the etchings in the sand. It is incredible how the process works. Picking out my figurines, I didn't know what I'd use them for. I only knew I wanted to take them with me to my tray. When I started to build my world, everything fell into place. Everything I picked out could be used to represent something in my world. Building my world, I remembered and reflected so clearly on the things which had brought me to the now, the place I am coming out from, my peace, and my tomorrows.

Girl is happy.

It was all such a liberating, rejuvenating three days. I honestly did not have enough.

It is not often when we feel so loudly the clicks of the pieces to ourselves falling into place. The first time I felt it was with photography at 16. Now at 22, it's sand. I know, with a lot of clarity that somewhere in me, I am drawn to this work. Work that has the capability to heal and give clarity has always been a powerful draw for me. And while there are many ways to do so, for those three days and until now, I feel like a part of me is there with the sand. It involves a great deal of elements I am comfortable with. (The toys probably add to that - no, not kidding)
But as much as I have been moved, for now, it isn't for me to chase the sand. The work these therapists do is incredible. There is so much one has to give in doing work as such. So much purity of heart that goes into it. So much of the self to give. I don't believe I am that person. Yet. Who knows, maybe one day I will realign my life to this. But not now. Because my time now is for other things. A first love.

I am only glad for such experiences. The ones that stretch you, move you, shift the pieces of you around so you are once again changed.

If you are interested in learning more, the following links might help.

Wikipedia for the short and simple.

Sandplay Therapists of America for the long version.

Jennifer Kerner - The therapist who conducted the workshop I was in.

Catch Up Post 1 - Night of Fire and Rain

My December and January were so busy and I have so much to record down. But with Chinese New Year over, the transition between graduation and what comes next only means I have time now to finally sit down and sort out all the memories from the past two months.

Back in December, the class had a cookout to end our year together. I've loved my time with these people. In the year we had together we've gotten close enough to laugh with each other and at each other. There have been many an interesting joke or conversation in between all the hard, nose-grinding work we've had to go through. These are a bunch of people full of humour and who are so very intelligent and capable of many great things now and in the future. It was only a year, but I have never regretted making the choice for a year that included all of them.

Fire sparks

Edward and Jon playing football by the pool

Busy as a bee

The girls - unintentionally colour coordinated

We buttered chicken wings, more than we could eat and opened a really good bottle of wine and made s'mores (so good) before we ran out of marshmallows.

Somewhere in between all that, it started to rain and we had to scurry to the nearest shelter.

The boys moving the fire

They were cold after the rain and I love this picture because it makes me laugh

Edward playing football with neighbours

High five for a job well done

It is not too long ago that my results came out confirming my graduation. Looking back, the journey has really seemed a long one. But I have loved every second I've been in school after high school. It was where I have grown the most. It was where I have loved and lost and transitioned to love somemore, bigger, definitely better. It was where I met people I know I will want to keep years from now. 

I cannot deny that midway through I knew I was outgrowing school. That the place was once again not going to be big enough for me to grow in the ways I want. But it was still a safe place. A happy place. I felt supported and I felt loved. And while four years was long, so very long, I don't regret staying and completing.

The last few months of school were the most difficult when I felt so ready to jump out of my skin and into all the other things I do not know of. But the last few months had lessons I could learn from. And really, perhaps what I really learnt is that it is all good. And that there is no reason, none at all, for me to not believe in the goodness that awaits.

Last year this year